Who is Your Family? And Who Are You?

I met a local OT student who was volunteering at the Duchess of Kent Children's Hospital during my placement time there. We got to know each other throughout the span of the 2 weeks before I left and making this friend has been such a blessing. I truly feel blessed to have met her during the struggles I had with my placement experience there. Having studied abroad for several years, she understood how it felt to be away from home and trying to learn and adapt to a new cultural setting. She's been such a great listener and of course, it's great to be able to talk about our hopes and dreams as soon-to-be new grad OTs.

Since I left the placement and she has started her own placement term, it's been hard to find time to meet up so I have been joining her at her fellowship group. Since I've been to my friends' Catholic and Christian fellowships, I don't feel too strange joining in on my new friend's group. It's a nice way to spend my evenings after placement, and I've come to think that if religion is such a big part of my friends' lives, getting to know a little bit about what that entails is a way of getting to know my friends better.

The other night, the discussion consisted of a two part question: Who is your family? And who are you?

I've always loved to hear other people share their stories about their families, and I'm open to sharing as well. Family has been on my mind throughout my time alone in Hong Kong. I think I hogged the floor a bit during my turn to speak about my family. Haha. I've been thinking about them and how our relationships have developed since I had left home for my Masters program. Ask any of my friends and they can tell you that family is a big part of my life. I can talk about them for ages --the good and the bad.

The questions asked that night intrigued me because I've always been interested in thinking about these bigger questions, and finding out possible answers. But I left my friend's fellowship group before the second part of the discussion got started. Part of it was because I wanted to head back to maybe get some work done before I go to bed. But there was definitely a part of me that wanted to leave because I wasn't sure how to answer the question. Who am I?

I've always thought that I know myself. I know my values and beliefs and I have no trouble standing by them. I'm confident (and often stubborn) when I make a choice and if others don't understand, it's fine with me because not everyone has to. So it's definitely a bit unsettling when I find myself avoiding the question "Who are you?", 'cause it means that I'm doubting myself. Not everything about myself! My placement has made me question my skills, approach, competency, even my motivations as a student OT. To an extent, all placements are supposed to do that. Perhaps the bigger issue here is that I did not expect "failure" (since I still perceive my switch as such). Is that what I'm about? Not failing? I've never thought of myself as a perfectionist... ...

Less than 2 weeks left of my time in Hong Kong... I hope to find the answer to my "Part 2" post by then. Meanwhile, I'm going to do the best work I can do with the children I see in the clinic! =D