Who am I out of context? Part 1

Inspired by 5 second rule's post "Who are you out of context?", where she asks the thoughtful question:

When you travel, do you think you become more or less who you truly are? 

I guess I become more the person I naturally am when I travel, and less the person I've chosen to be over time. --5 second rule

This question really resonates with me because my international placement has brought me to a place that really makes me feel like a fish out of water. I'm out of my natural habitat --out of context. As a person who is slow to warm up, my placement has been challenging so far. There are many reasons for this, including the culture shock of working in a different country, the difference in communication styles and education/training methods and the apparent lack of fit between my expectations and my preceptor's expectations. All of this to say that I think/am told/and realizing that I am approaching this challenge in the wrong way. 

This leads me back to the question posed by 5 second rule, "Who [am I] out of context?" The person I've chosen to be over the past two years is one who dares to face challenges, shares her passions and chooses to seek the presence of positives. As much as I think I was able to learn to be that person in my last two placements, I have not been feeling the same so far on this international placement. (I've given the PEO model some thought in regards to applying it to my situation, but let's not get into that here...)

I see a discrepancy between who I have been working towards becoming (a more developed future self) and who I am, right now, out of context (a Mess). I am hearing and learning things about myself that I did not associate with in my previous placement experiences. To some extent it hurts my ego and my sense of self. I try to look up and it's feels like looking up when you're lost in a forest. It's hard to tell which way is what, because you're not used to seeing the world this way. So the more important question to consider is: what if this is my "natural" self? When I'm out of context, this "mess" of a self is what I become... doubtful, scared, stressed, intimidated and feeling a tad helpless. Is there anything "wrong" with this "natural" self that's out of her comfort zone and pushed to her limits? Who do I want to become and who am I becoming in this international placement? Can I make those the same person? Ultimately, do I have what it takes to accept this image of myself and overcome this?

I will write a "Part 2" to this post at the end of placement to see how I feel about this question after another 5 weeks. Stay tuned...