Thoughts on 2015/16

I'm sorry for taking a photo of this page instead of buying your book Cheryl! >_<

I came across this page from Cheryl Strayed's newest book, Brave Enough, in late November 2015. A part of me wishes that this book had been published earlier in the year, because her words really resonated with me. I took a photo of this page so her words could serve as a reminder of how I want to live my life in 2016 because I did not live bravely (or as bravely as I could have) in 2015.

2015 was the year of my job hunt for work as an occupational therapist (OT). 2015 also turned into the year of justifying my current work status to others. A year of feeling anxious to meet certain friends/acquaintances because the topic of work seemed inevitable and I didn't know how to explain myself to them. The year of second guessing myself and questioning my motivations, abilities and ambitions. It was also a year of being given unsolicited job hunt/life/work advice, basically many people using dressed up ways of saying: "Have you considered doing something other than what you've been doing? 'Cause if I were you, I'd be doing anything BUT what you're doing, even though I am obviously not in the same life context as you."

If I wanted to, I know I can pull out evidence to prove my hardwork or draw out a narrative that pulls at your heartstrings to make you believe that I've tried my darndest (yes, that's a word) in this past year. But frankly, I don't want to do that and it's taken me all year to learn that I don't need anyone to know that I've tried hard enough. Only I will really know if I've tried hard enough and that's all that matters. Because the only standard of "hard enough" I want to go by, is my own.

Throughout the year, I've kept in touch with a few people who have been a great support to me as I stumble about this swamp called "Adulthood" and engage in the "Job hunt". A good friend reminded me that "there aren't going to be any gold stars anymore". They also said that if I'm looking for a next step, frankly, there aren't any more of those either.* It was only after hearing those words that I slowly realized that 2015 had become a year of me seeking meaning from actions that I thought would be my "next step" in my career/life and feeling defeated when I wasn't getting those metaphorical "gold star" feelings from doing them. How can I find meaning in living life on auto-pilot? There should be something meaningful at the core of what I do that I can go back to, rather than hopefully having my actions give me a meaningful result.

I will be Brave this year, and not be afraid to:

• Continue to share my passions because that's what makes me a happy, 3 dimensional, multi-layered human being!
• Be generous with myself and others. I still believe the cup of generosity never runs low.
• Stand up for and keep doing what I find meaningful in my life even if it's different (Leslie Jamieson's 52 Blue reminded me of this recently)
• Take chances with new experiences/people/connections and be patient with the process.

It's been almost a month into 2016 and I did something that I didn't do in previous years. Write a list of meaningful goals for the year. It's funny 'cause even though I identify as a very goal-oriented person, I've never written out a list of "new years resolutions" before. I usually set goals throughout the year, as ideas come up, but I thought I'd try doing a 16 in 2016 list of goals this year! The list is still being tweaked, but I'll have it confirmed by the end of this month. Maybe I'll share it on here to keep myself accountable!

*Shout out to my alien friend who continually drops golden nuggets of wisdom (Mmm. Tasty!) every time we chat. I feel tremendously grateful to call them one of my good friends. You know who you are.