Goodness of Fit

As I'm reading up on Sensory Integration (SI) theory and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), I come across the term "Goodness of Fit" which is a concept that I can really relate to.

But wait.
Hold up!
Why am I reading about SI and SPD, when I'm at a placement focused on orthopedics?? Ok. Let's back up a bit.

The past week has been the most mentally stressful for me since my arrival in Hong Kong, with my placement experience going downhill by the day. It came down to involving the student coordinator (who manages international students) to come visit us. We had both individual and group discussions with the student coordinator so he could better understand what was happening. The student coordinator's position here is to help the student as much as he can, whether that be connecting them to resources or identifying solutions that can help make their placement as smooth as possible. Last week, the student coordinator suggested that I switch placements since the relationship between my preceptor and I had become very tense, I was obviously very uncomfortable and communication breakdowns were happening left, right and center. I was given a day off and ultimately, I have decided to switch placements.

It'll take more than just any lid to fit these bottles.

Going back to the idea of "Goodness of Fit": in SI terms, we're looking at the match between a person's needs, interaction style and the environment. Poor goodness-of-fit can make an individual feel overwhelmed or it may not be enough to stimulation. In my case, I feel that it was a mismatch between my learning style and my preceptor's education style. This has led to a very stressful 3 weeks for me and I'm sure my preceptor would agree with me when I say that we have both been very frustrated with each other. He has been very expressive with his frustration, while I have been struggling to adapt myself to my placement setting and my preceptor's demanding expectations.

The decision was not easy for me to make. I really needed to focus on what I wanted out of my international placement experience and what kind of therapist I wanted to be. A lot of self-reflecting will need to happen in order for me to be able to answer any more questions... And we all know that the hardest questions are the ones that we ask ourselves:

Did I "give up"?
                     Why did I give up?
                                           Should I have given up?
                                                                    What more could I have given to that placement?
                                                                                                What does this say about my personality?

And even more daunting:

Can I still be a good occupational therapist?

How will this choice affect my future as a new grad therapist, as a working professional and as a person?

I've made my choice and right now, I'm trying not to think of this as... not a bad thing. (Yes, I've been replaying this song recently.) I still love OT and I've always believed that all things happen for a reason. This second half of my Hong Kong placement is going to be my chance to start fresh!